Wednesday, July 22, 2009
This is how it’s been since we no longer have a dependable car to get me out to my job, that’s 30 minutes away from our place. My husband's job isn’t too far, so sometimes he pushes our olds mobile (she's gonna die any minute) or he just carpools with a friend. My only job now is modeling for Bustown Modern and being wifey. It’s so strange. I am left with so much free time and I spend most of it alone, with no car and very little money, if any. The reason I don’t just get a job near our place in the mean time, is because we kept thinking our car will be fixed any minute now and I can just go back to Abercrombie Home Office....well...we thought that all up until yesterday when we found out the engine was shot....Bad news. Plan screwed.
Actually, our summer is not going at all how we planned it. I never thought... I would find myself in this little cage of an apartment day after day. The thing is, I am naturally somewhat of a loner. I don’t mind being by myself, at times, I actually prefer it. It’s the Virgo in me. I simply enjoy myself. I enjoy writing by myself, and painting by myself, and thinking by myself. But I have had an overload of alone time this summer. I've found myself uninspired to do most anything. Paint, write, sketch, nothing. My outlook became so negative. I just felt like I was locked up in my cage until John came home to give me some air. Sitting home, while he works 40 hours a week, had me feeling like a bum. A negative, uninspired, bum. Each day that passed I felt completely unproductive and super depressed. I kept thinking, I could have had the rough draft of my children’s book done by now with all this time on my hands. But nope, nothing. The only thing I can say is I have been on my A-game when it comes to modeling. That’s been my main motivating force. Knowing that soon, we won’t be here. That’s its only a matter of time, before we get it together and we are watching our dreams come true. We are struggling, yes, but our dreams are still so tangible. I still feel that we are closer than we even realize. We are struggling, so we are strengthened when our lives make that drastic turn.
This is why I thank God for the man He gave me. Because he has the ability to see through me. My husband knows my heart. He can pray for me, he can hold me; he can be strong for me. But all in the same breath he can call me out! He tells me the straight up truth, even when I don’t want to hear it. We were talking on the phone and he said, "Stop being so negative, and STOP complaining....you really just need to stop, you have a great life."
I was in the middle of pity party so that hit kinda hard... I got real silent... and ended the conversation so I could get off the phone. I wanted to continue my pity party alone, since obviously he would be of no assistance. He was intent on breaking it up. So I tried. I tried to sit there and sulk. I thought about how I miss my car, and my job. I thought about how I hate the bus, and all the men on the bus that insist on evading my personal space (yes, it happens a lot). I thought about how lonely I was and how I missed my best friends and my family. I thought about our plans to save money, so we would be able to move to Chicago, and how off track everything was. I loaded my mind with every bad thing that was going on until all I wanted to do was go to sleep so I would stop thinking. But I couldn't get John's voice out of my head!!
Damn. He was right. Again. So check this out... let’s go down the list of positives in my life...
1. God...enough said.
2. John Marshall Collins... he loves me. Real talk.
3. My family... we are close, only phones call away.
4. Food... I eat very well :)
5. A roof, and a bed
...this list could go on forever. Moral of the story: Whatever my situation looks like I will choose to be positive and grateful to be alive. I’m looking at this time as a blessing. A great opportunity to continue building my modeling portfolio, and a working on my book. I’m also learning to wait on God and have patience. And to live each day intentionally.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Lucky 5 rockin out on stage at Peabody's
i love the passion in his voice... they make love to their instruments
Thursday, July 16, 2009
(my cousin is the one with the cig in his mouth, the lead singer)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
I saw mommy and daddy and my big sis aaaand my little brother and my niece aaaand my other brother.... it was perfect!
I missed them all soo much. I also got to see my dad in action on his campaign trail. He's running for judge of Cleveland. I’m proud of him :) He's so passionate. I love that about my dad. He's a passionate, hardworking, selfless man. I would love to be more like him. I love 'em.
Anyways, before I went to Cleveland I had two photo shoots on Friday. The first one was on the beach. I shot with this photographer named Anessa Woods (she's the chick that owns Bustown Modern). It was me and another model, Meghan. We looked hott! Decked out in swim suits and furs! lol I can't to see how the images came out. Hopefully I can post them on here soon. I went from the beach back home for two whole seconds to grab my hubby...then to my next photo shoot. I had to shoot for John Rueben's upcoming album cover set to drop in August. That was fun. I love John Reuben. He's awesome guy. If you're not familiar with him, he's a Christian rap artist...you should check him out >>http://www.myspace.com/johnreuben. Friday was a busy day, but good day.
Theeeen I went to the land of Cleves. Kicked it. My parent's new house feels like a vacation home. I love it. The walls are bright colors and there're lots of windows so it’s always breezy... I could have stayed there longer if I hadn't left my baby love behind. So we got back on the road on Sunday and headed home. I was happy to be back, I missed my bed and the guy in it ;)
Oh yeah!! I almost forgot! I gotta a job too! My bum days are over. lol Making money and saving money means BYE BYE OHIO! :) God is certainly good!
So, uh yeah... I think that’s about it.
Peace and LOVE yall **follow your dreams**