Tuesday, March 30, 2010

i love you

Sooo a few weeks back I was in Cleveland having dinner with my family at Olive Garden. Out of nowhere my dad ask a question that you could tell had been pressing on his mind. He posed this question to all of his kids, "where are yall with the Lord?"

I laughed.

I dont know why it seemed like such a bizarre question, but it did. I didn't exactly know how to answer him, so as my sister began to speak I thought of what I wanted to say. I thought about the truth.

You have to understand that grew up in a very christian home. Both parents are ministers and pastored a church of about 250 members for the majority of my existence. Needless to say I saw and experience a lot in the church. There's always a certain disappointment in my mom's tone when she makes mention of the fact that none of her children go to church since we've all left the nest.

But I believe we all have our reasons.

When my sister finished responding to my dad, he then turned his attention to me. Asked the question again, and I felt the heat of the spot light. I looked at him and began to answer as truthfully as I knew how.

Unfortunately we didnt get a chance to finish that conversation that day, because dinner was over and we needed to leave the restaurant. But I do believe he heard what I did get a chance to say and I really hope we get to continue our discussion soon.

But I opened with this,

"I never got a chance to choose Christianity for myself. I was born into a christian home and that was it"

Its true. Some people have stories where they searched and searched for something to believe in and then they discovered Christianity. They had that "ah ha!" moment.

Yea... never had that moment and I don't now that I ever will. Right now, I'm in process of understanding what it is i really believe. I don't claim to know that meaning of life, or where we go when we die, or any of those hard hitting questions we all ask ourselves. But I am open to having a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. I am open to evolving mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm not afraid to ask questions or have doubts...and more importantly I'm not afraid of not knowing. Simply saying, "I don't know"

With that being said, I hope to not offend my loved ones who are devout in there faith. Because one thing I DO know is that love is the most powerful force in the universe.





Tuesday, March 23, 2010

AHHH!!! SO MUCH is going on!!! I dont even know where to begin!!! We need to get the freaking Internet in our new place so I can actually keep my precious baby blog updated!!

... I guess I should start with good news... ready? Okay... I got a promotion!!! YAY!!! Assistant manager at Shi by Journey's, full time, benefits... a real "grown up" job lol Im excited. At first I was low key nervous because Ive seen people in managerial positions with the company who are absolutely miserable being there... but then I realized this experience, just like any experience, will be what I make it. So Im choosing to make it a positive one, and I am really excited to start :) Making more money will put us closer to our savings goal which will only speed up the whole moving process. This is good.

I also found out a while ago that Americas Next Top Model is casting here in Columbus on April 8th. I decided to go try. I was never interested before because the whole "reality tv" idea turned me off. But now, for some reason Im interested... really interested. So wish me luck! :)

I have deeper things to express about whats going on in my life, but my mind isnt there right now so Im just gonna leave it right here for now....

Much love to all of you <3