Tuesday, March 30, 2010

i love you

Sooo a few weeks back I was in Cleveland having dinner with my family at Olive Garden. Out of nowhere my dad ask a question that you could tell had been pressing on his mind. He posed this question to all of his kids, "where are yall with the Lord?"

I laughed.

I dont know why it seemed like such a bizarre question, but it did. I didn't exactly know how to answer him, so as my sister began to speak I thought of what I wanted to say. I thought about the truth.

You have to understand that grew up in a very christian home. Both parents are ministers and pastored a church of about 250 members for the majority of my existence. Needless to say I saw and experience a lot in the church. There's always a certain disappointment in my mom's tone when she makes mention of the fact that none of her children go to church since we've all left the nest.

But I believe we all have our reasons.

When my sister finished responding to my dad, he then turned his attention to me. Asked the question again, and I felt the heat of the spot light. I looked at him and began to answer as truthfully as I knew how.

Unfortunately we didnt get a chance to finish that conversation that day, because dinner was over and we needed to leave the restaurant. But I do believe he heard what I did get a chance to say and I really hope we get to continue our discussion soon.

But I opened with this,

"I never got a chance to choose Christianity for myself. I was born into a christian home and that was it"

Its true. Some people have stories where they searched and searched for something to believe in and then they discovered Christianity. They had that "ah ha!" moment.

Yea... never had that moment and I don't now that I ever will. Right now, I'm in process of understanding what it is i really believe. I don't claim to know that meaning of life, or where we go when we die, or any of those hard hitting questions we all ask ourselves. But I am open to having a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. I am open to evolving mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm not afraid to ask questions or have doubts...and more importantly I'm not afraid of not knowing. Simply saying, "I don't know"

With that being said, I hope to not offend my loved ones who are devout in there faith. Because one thing I DO know is that love is the most powerful force in the universe.






  1. at least ur honest. Most people who go to Church end up fakin, and then not really want to be a believer. I will pray that God will reveal himself to you.


  2. I agree with camill. I think honesty is a great place to start. From there, you can figure stuff out. I am Christian so I'm obviously biased, but I highly recommend the book, "Know Why You Believe" by Paul Little. It is the fairest analysis of Christianity that i've ever come across.

    I wish you the best in your search for the truth

  3. I hope you stay true to yourself and know that all the things you learned and experienced with God was not a fake. For some people they have to go through a more different testimony. But, I would not doubt the LOVE God has for you. He has kept you in a place of protection. Yes, you may have been exposed to man made religion but, that was for purpose and reason. With growing up in the church have you ever had a ah ha moment for yourself? without people pushing him on you? The greatest power of darkness is making you believe what is not truth.

  4. I was in the same situation. I was born in a Christian family. My Dad played the organ at church and my Mum helped the sunday school groups, so, of course, I was taken to church most sundays. Now that I think about it, I do believe in God. I see no other reason for the creation of the earth, but I didn't have the brain-power or option to decide for myself. I do still go to church nowadays, but not so often.

    I guess you just have to find what is right for you. It's not an easy topic either...

    Good luck anyways :)

  5. Hey sister...something you might not know about me is that I chose to be baptized at the age of 6. Yes chose, not forced. I've always been a "Christian" and I never had that "moment" you were referring to. I don't believe that it lessens the value of my faith journey however. Growing up, there were lots of times when I felt that God was testing me to see if I really believed what I said I did, or was I just being "religious" and believing out of obligation instead of out of my heart. Those moments are the ones that can make or break your faith and make you question if what you've been taught is real. I didn't learn the difference between the world's view of faith (religiousness and piety) and God's view (genuine personal relationship) I was an adult...and it's still a journey.
    I encourage you to try looking at the Word from a personal perspective- from a clean slate approach (instead of simply just from what you've been taught), researching the validity and history of the Bible, and looking at different ways outside of the actual Bible itself that philosophers have come to the conclusion that the Bible itself is legit. I will be praying for you guys!
    Love you!