never again

I have learned so much this weekend...about myself, my career, and about people. The lesson that I came away with is the ONLY reason I don't wish to completely wipe this weekend away from my memory.

As you know, I went to Jersey for a fashion show thursday night. I said in my last blog that my expectations weren't very high seeing as Jersey isnt exactly the fashion capital of the world....well apparently I should have lowered then eeeeven more.

It was hands down THE worst fashion show I have ever been apart of. It was ghetto, unorganized, thrown together, and classless. Charging models $10 to have there make up done is absurd! How about YOU compensate the models, not charge them to do YOU a favor. And on top of all that I was personally was direspected and verbally attacked by one of the local designers. The show was a joke.

That taught me a valuable lesson that I will never forget:

NOBODY IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IN THIS INDUSTRY. YOU HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF.

I wasted sooo much time and energy doing something that was of no benefit to myself or anybody else. In the future unless I am COMPENSATED I will not being doing ANY travel for ANYONE. I value my craft too much to sell myself cheap. And I will no longer allow myself to be taken advantage of.

Im angry at myself more than anything because I ignored my instinct. I knew this show would not be beneficial to me or my career. But I still went. The "people pleaser" in me cause me to do something I had no desire to do. Thats my own fault and it wont happen again.

The thing is this isnt a hobby for me. Modeling is something I love, but it is also a career. Its not something I do because Im bord, It means a lot to me. So while, I love runway, in the future I will be MUCH more selective about WHO I work with and what shows I take part in. Compensation being the main determining factor. Because if they cant afford to pay there models, they most likely can't afford to put on a good show.

I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF COLUMBUS.

not mention the car broke down on the way back home..........fun :/

new jersey

First I would like to say HELLOOOO to all my new followers!!! Hopefully I dont bore you...lol

Im going to New Jersey tonight to walk in a fashion show for a designer named Nyemadi http://www.gorgeousgaudygirl.com/ you can buy her stuff and online...you can also check out her blog http:/nyemadify.blogspot.com/

I will also be walking for some other designers I havn't met yet. It should be fun. Its Jersey, so I dont expect it to be a big deal, but its for Nyemadi and I cant say no to her. Honestly, I have trouble saying no in general... lol (I should probally work on that). But anyways it should still be a lot of fun. Runway is my thing, so im excited :)

After that we will go say whats up to NY and then head home. I will be sure to take lots of pictures! ;)

The only thing that sucks is leaving my hubby behind. We havnt spent a night apart in verrry long time. I know I sound like a big baby, but that makes me sad. I wish he could come, but he has to work :( I will be packing a T-shirt of his for sure... and his cologne... and pictures......

Oh god. :/

whatever...dont judge me! LOL

IN OTHER NEWS: the photographer sent me a couple sample photos from the shoot I told you guys about...u the one in Kato's pieces??

here they are >>

What do ya think?? I, personally, love them.... but thats just me...

what up peeps

...its been a minute... I missed you! I tried to blog a few times last week... but like I said before its a rare time when my head is clear enough to get all my thoughts down. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so hard and just type as the thoughts come...... or maybe I just stop thinking so hard in general...

....nah...

OK! So guess what! This weekend I got to shoot in Kato's clothes from project runway!! Remember her? She was that liberian hottness...

... yeah u remember...

It was an awsome experience aaand I had a lot of fun. Stephanie Mathews was the photographer, Erica Stewart did make up, and Roxy did hair...it was very sexy, very high fashion... I will be posting pictures soon...

Then I met the rest of husbands family on saturday. We all met up and had a cook out. They do it every year, it was really nice. Everybody was super chill and friendly...although one of his cousins thought i would be funny to refer to me as wife #1 as if to imply there would be more wives to follow me...im thinkin "sorry to dissappoint, but Im here to stay lady!"

lol whatever... it was all good.

ALSO mane&chic has me as there featured model this week. So thats pretty awsome :) Go check it out http://maneandchic.blogspot.com/

while your at it check my myspace I have working on
http://www.myspace.com/tondirw

...ALRIGHTY I think thats it for today... Im going to shoot for Bustown at 2pm and I gots to wash me hair :)

By the way Im going to NEW YORK for the first time the weekend :) Im so excited!

...Ok thats it for real....Later guys!

sundays

Sunday- in my childhood this day meant one thing and one thing only: church. It meant wake up when a parent calls, get dressed in something presentable, pile the family in the car, be at church till 2pm. But today, church no longer holds that big place in my life. Sunday is just like any other day. Its kind of strange when I think about it... but at the same time its comforting. I have recently realized that in the past the foudation of my realationship with God was the christian communtiy. The problem with that is the fact that the christian communtity is made up of people. These people are there build you up, keep you strong as you function as one body, pray for you as you pray for them. Its a great system. But at the same time they are PEOPLE, broken PEOPLE. Sometimes those people may hurt you or leave you. Then what? What happens when community is no longer? If your realationship with God was only held up by people once they are gone, so is God. Thats what happen to me. I lost community, lost God. It wasnt until recently that I realized that God and our realationship has to come first...the foundation for everything. Now I find myself going back to the basics...getting to know God with out the filter that was the christian community. Thats not to say I dont need church or Im above church, because church is needed, community is needed. Is todays church functioning correctly as a body? No. But thats another story for another time. Regaurdless of all that: as a christian i need community. Its like how a person that comes from a disfunctional family still loves and needs their family. Right now my community consist of my husband and a few friends and family. Down the road if God sees fit, He will place me in a church home, In the mean time He will remain my foundation.

my "ah ha!" moment

I had a revelation last night while I was laying on the couch. All weekend I have been wrecking my brain trying to figure out how I wanted to approach my childrens book. Sooo many ideas were floating around up there with no idea how to get them out.

I guess you could say I had a case of writers block. I kept getting hung up on the fact that I have to write on an age specific level and I wasn't staying consistant with my language. One minute the language would be very simple, and the next minute I would forget and start talking like a "grown up". Verry confusing.

So I scratched my first draft. I wasn't feeling it... but that was over a month ago. Now here I am still at square one (with the exception of having my main character illustrated) still confused. I know the look im going for in my books I know the message I want to get across in my books... but I had no idea how go about it.

Until last night.

I realized I cant write about what I dont know about. I can write a million different scenarios about a million different people but if I havnt experience it in some way then how can I give an account of it? Unless I know what I'm talking about, my audience won't beleive me, or my charcters, or my plot.

Sooo then I thought what better experiences to draw from then my own! I have first hand knowlege of what its like to be a little kid... sometimes I still feel like one. All I have to do is go down memeory lane and put myself back in that second grade classroom and remember what it was like.

Now im excited! This is something I have wanted to do for a loong time and now I finally have some direction. This project means a lot to me and this is just begining. I can tell Im going to enjoy this process. Working on the first book of my series finally! This is huge!

Here is a sneak peak at what I've been working on...

Her name is Jondi... she is 7 years old. She is the vision for my main character.

I like that she is sooo unique. She doesnt look like anybody Ive ever seen. Some may call her weird, the other kids may make fun of her crazy bright red hair, or the freckels that cover her face, or even her weird mix matched clothes. But she is beautiful, unique, and one of a kind. And that's the message I want to send out to the little girls that read my books, that they are beautiful, unique, and one of a kind!!

Staaaaaay tuned!!

thoughts that have passed through my mind today....

1. ohio makes me gag and Im ready to go
2. im pissed my ipod screen is cracked
3. grocery shopping is lame when your trying to eat healthy AND on a budget
4. hot pockets are yummy
5. i think these walls are closing in on me
6. why do I love watching The Hills?
7. im sad John doesnt get off till midnight
8. i miss my job
9. i miss my car
10. why cant I seem to focus on anything?
11. i miss my family back home
12. bills suck
13. im going to sleep...