Wednesday, March 16, 2011

january 31st: part four

I wrote this on October 1st, 2010...

"its been a week and a day since the most devastating world wind of my life... and that may sound overly dramatic to some, but to me it is a complete and total understatement.

about a year and eight months ago I was just 20 years old and I was standing at the alter in my long white dress vowing my heart to my soul mate forever, and he was doing the same. Not a relationship free from complications, but one full of passion, pain, and most importantly love.

in these past days I have watched my marriage dissolve, leaving me feeling scared, alone, and broken. my whole life uprooted and turn upside down. This past week has been thee hardest week of my life. Feeling the most pain I've ever experienced as if i was mourning a death. Not only having to deal with betrayal from my partner and separation from my partner, but also the stress of quitting my job, leaving everything behind, moving back in with my parents and adjusting to everything in my life no longer looking the same."

...I wrote that over 5 months ago and here we are.

January 31st just happened to be our 2yr wedding anniversary.
how bitter sweet.

Bitter, because of all the damage surrounding us
Sweet, because we stood there in it, reunited, ready to pick up the pieces.... together.

Happy Anniversary.

Today, almost 2 months later, we are healing the broken places.
Thee most gut-wrenching, beautifully painful, terrifying soul renewal I've ever endured.

Never been so weak
and so strong.
Never been so scared
and so fearless.

I love him. I never stopped. My vows weren't in vain. For better or for worse we are husband and wife. We can't change whats happened in the past but we can take control of the future. I don't need the world to understand us... we've been misunderstood our whole lives.

So slip that ring back on and let everybody know our story ain't over just yet.

stay tuned.


  1. January 31st: momentous, life changing, even epic. It's instants in our lives like these that define who we are in the grand scheme of things. The profound nature of all the elements involved and the raw love that manifested as a result speak volumes for just how incredible this day and it's impact really were. Rejoice in knowing that one forgives to the degree that one loves. Not only for him, but for yourself. Look ahead to great things! You have risen above. Take pride in that! Give thanks for that! Most of all- share your love, and spread your story for those who can't see the speck of light in the sea of darkness. Continue rising and never cease to share!



  2. I keep reading this comment over and over again, trying to figure out how to respond! lol The fact that you take the time out to read let alone, feel where I'm coming from, LET ALONE say such encouraging things means so much

    ...your words, from an outside person looking in, let me know I'm not completely crazy

    thank you

  3. Always.

    Your writing is incredibly rich with emotion and introspection. When I read, I imagine authoring it so I can feel as you did when you wrote it. Writing is a window to the soul. The mistake most people make is looking in from the outside- trying to see through to you. Instead, I climb inside and look out with you- so that we may behold the world together.

    Small acts of random kindness often bring tears of joy faster than the grandest deeds done when we expect them most.


    p.s. Who said crazy is bad? ;)

  4. Amazing! I have been married almost 10 years and my husband and I are in a rough patch. This just gave me even more hope that things will get better. I just came across your blog today. It's beautiful! Thank you for your honesty....