Saturday, February 20, 2010

im homeless

Tears were flowing at about about a gallon a second and it was in that moment that I was really thankful i saved the Wendy's napkins from lunch so I could blow my nose. Sobbing as the waste basket by my bed continues to fill with snotty yellow napkins. This wasn't how I pictured my night going when I woke up this morning...

...then again waking up wasn't exactly an easy task in itself.

Its been quite a while since my last post, and a lot has changed.For starters, everything around me. According to plan we moved out of our apartment earlier this month and in with John's family (a.k.a. the mad house). Unfortunately, this "mad house" seems to be our best option. At this point we are in a position where are expenses are minimal so are savings can expand,and we can relocated and avoid starvation and homelessness in the process. But with these sacrifices being made I still feel homeless in a way, because this place is soo far from my definition of home. I wish I could explain what its like here with out possibly offending someone who might read these words in the future. But I can't. So I won't.

But I will say, if you're imagining some type of third layer of hell scenario you can definitely scale it back a bit. Its not that bad, it's just not that good. I'm just trying to adjust to being completely out of my element... find my world again in this foreign place. I guess I just let all the negativity get to me. I try to cling on to my positive thoughts for dear life and sometimes it just feels like the littlest things come to snatch them away. Like bickering with my husband for instance. The smallest rift tears me apart. He's my only sense of home, my only sense of security. Its when we let the little thing get between us, that's when I feel homeless. Like a nomad.

BUT, its only been two weeks. I'm still adjusting, finding my groove, my peace of mind. I can make this a positive experience or I make this my prison, I know its my choice.

It's MY choice.


  1. "I can make this a positive experience or I make this my prison, I know its my choice."
    Exactly what you said girl
    I am praying for you .Remember the world is what you make of it.You know your goals you know what you want to do.Keep holding on to them.Even when all seems to go dark.Opportunity is closer than you think.And when you finally reach there, you will look back on all of what you experienced and say damm "I should get a Trophy"for being through all of that.I survived

  2. real talk. Thank you Chrissy. I appriciate those words

  3. Hey Tondi. Do you work in Polaris mall?? I could have sworn I saw you but I didn't wanna say anything in case it wasn't you and look silly! Lol. I attend Otterbein University and I have been reading your blog for a while. It was refreshing to find someone from columbus, ohio like me. I know how you feel about life right now. I'm in school and don't wanna be, cant find a decent job, only moved into a dorm because I couldn't stand being at home, planned on moving in with my boyfriend until he lost his licensce and car and has to pay thousands to get both back ect. Things are crappy for me right now but I believe things will get better for both of us. I must say I am inspired by how you are keeping your goals in mind and staying strong. These past 2 months or so I have lost sight of whats important and the hard work I need to do. Thnx for the inspiration. =]


  4. I do! I work at shi and should say hi next time :)

    Thank you so much for commenting. It means a lot to know somebody is inspired. I know it sounds clich`e, but these obstacles come make us stronger... stay strong girl.

    you actually kind of made my day :)