Monday, July 21, 2014

it must be nice to be so selfish...

he has this Loving way of being extremely persistant no matter how many times I say "nothings wrong" or "I don't want to talk about it" or "I'm just tired". He Loves me enough to see through my walls and he Loves me enough to hear beyond my words. He Loves me enough to simply Love me through whatever dark space I may be in. I honor that. One day he won't have to work so hard to crack me open.

Its night time. We're in bed. I see his eyes closing… aaaand in true Tondi fashion thats the time I decide I'm ready to talk…

I don't know. I'm a woman and I'm complicated. Don't ask.
But he is a man and he Loves me and he is ready to listen…

I begin, "I feel like I'm loosing myself. This mommy thing is so hard somedays. On the rare occasion that I actually find some time for myself I'm too exhausted to do anything with it. I feel like I'm loosing the part of me that I cherish the most, my creativity. I hate it. I hate feeling uninspired and unmotivated. I'm putting all of me into being a mommy and a wife and theres nothing left. I feel so depleted…"

He said, "I remember one time in an argument you yelled at me 'it must be nice to be so selfish' and babe you're right."

Sometimes you gotta be selfish.

Sometimes you gotta balance playing the role "the self-sacrifical mother" with the WOMAN who Loves and cares for herself, FIRST, so she can be of value when Loving and caring for others.


No comments:

Post a Comment