Wednesday, September 22, 2010


ugh. im never making a video again. i hate the sound of my own voice. its fucking weird.


here i am. its night time. i would normally be knocked out cold but I fell asleep when i got home from work and now im wide awake. mind racing, as usual.

...i want to describe my mental space in a way that make sense to someone other than myself.

...hmm. where do i begin?...

i guess i feel weird, lost, and confused. but at the same time i feel that I am just where I need to be.

... doesnt that make any sense?

If you are close to me (which few people are) you know that I am extremely hard on myself. somewhat mentally self destructive.

I have no real concept of what other people see when they look at me, all i know is what I see.

I see a coward.

As hard as that was to say aloud, let alone type... its real.

...and you know what im most afraid of??


Im afriad of who I really am at my core. Im afraid that the image of myself that I want will never be achieved.

...but then I guess thats just me being completely oblivious to the power i possess to be, create, and evolve into whatever I choose.

but its so easy to look around and feel powerless...

u know?


  1. Yeah, I do know. Sounds like the Little Hater (also known as The Resistance) is getting to you. My personal Haterina is always quick to jump up with a reminder that I'll never be as smart/sucessful/pretty/loved as I think I should be, so why even bother? I usually kick that heffa aside, but sometimes it's difficult. Hang in there, sis.


  2. I 100% understand. We are definitely related! ;)

  3. i understand completly...maybe what you are afraid of in yourself is your infinite power and ability..that you are as great and as special as you think you are in your private thoughts